The Client Who Didn’t Trust Her Agent (A Wake-Up Call)

At a recent team meeting, one of our brokers, Morgan, shared a story about a client who wanted to control every aspect of the deal. This client had spent eight months house-hunting, double-checking every detail and Googling everything rather than relying on professional advice. She even demanded contract changes to make absolutely sure the agent wouldn’t “come after” extra commission – despite legally binding forms and Morgan’s reassurances. In short, she did not fully trust her agent. Such distrust isn’t completely shocking – surveys show real estate agents rank among the least trusted professionals (only about 11% of people in one poll said Realtors can be trusted). Many clients have heard horror stories of kickbacks and self-interested agents (indeed, referral kickbacks are illegal under federal law, so they come in with their guard up.

Morgan’s natural instinct was to prove his value – to push back and assert, “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.” But as we discussed, that approach often backfires. Instead, Morgan did the opposite: he let the client “do the crazy,” and positioned himself as a facilitator rather than a know-it-all. In his words, “I work for you. I’m here if you have questions, and I’ll do whatever you want, even if it’s more work”. Rather than challenge the client’s incessant research, Morgan actually handed over his own tools – pointing the client to the county assessor’s website and other resources agents use. The client could independently verify information and feel in control. By empowering the client, Morgan subtly turned a skeptic into a partner. The client’s wall of mistrust began to crack once she saw that Morgan wasn’t hiding anything and truly had her best interests at heart.

This anecdote hit home for many of us. Our discussion landed on a key point: as agents, we shouldn’t fight high-anxiety, distrustful clients – we should coach and facilitate. If a client insists on finding their own inspector or questioning every referral, let them. Give them your tools, give them transparency. Don’t double up on work they’re already doing; instead, free up your time for other clients while they do their research. We remain available to guide and step in where our expertise is truly needed (writing contracts, negotiating, solving problems), but we don’t force these clients to accept advice on blind faith. In essence, we earn their trust by respecting their need for control.

Ironically, this kind of client can actually teach us agents a lesson in humility and patience. It got me reflecting on the broader journey we all go through in this industry – and how our own mindset as professionals evolves over time in parallel with how we handle clients like this. That brings me to the bigger picture: the real estate learning curve, and why combining humility, psychological insight, and teamwork is so critical to long-term success.

Climbing “Mount Stupid” and Surviving the Plunge

In the early phase of a real estate career, it’s easy to get overconfident. You close one or two deals successfully and suddenly feel on top of the world – like you’ve got this figured out. Psychology actually has a name for this peak of inflated confidence: “Mount Stupid,” a reference to the Dunning–Kruger effect. The Dunning-Kruger curve shows that with just a little knowledge or experience, people’s self-confidence often soars to unwarranted heights. An enthusiastic rookie might genuinely believe they’re now an expert after a couple quick wins. At this lofty high point (Mount Stupid), one’s confidence far exceeds actual competence.

Reality, however, has a way of bringing us all back down to earth. As you encounter more complex transactions and inevitable snafus, you realize how much you don’t know. Confidence takes a nose-dive into the “Valley of Despair,” where you feel overwhelmed and inadequate. Most of us have been there – that deal that fell apart, the client who fired you (I still remember the sting of a seller who cut me loose after I bent over backwards for them), or a situation that exposed a gaping hole in your knowledge. It’s a harsh, even discouraging, place to be. You start questioning if you’re cut out for this. “Maybe this isn’t for me,” you think during the worst of it.

Here’s the important truth: everyone hits that valley at some point – and not just once. It is a normal part of developing true expertise. In our meeting, one experienced broker mentioned, “I feel like I go through the Valley of Despair once a month.” It might be an exaggeration, but only slightly – this business will always have highs and lows. Feeling like a fool occasionally is inevitable when you’re growing. As painful as it is in the moment, that slump is where the real learning happens. Psychologists agree that you can’t reach a “plateau of enlightenment” – the slow, steady upward slope of real competence – without first tumbling off Mount Stupid and gaining some humility. You have to ski down that mountain and eat a bit of humble pie before you can climb up the other side with genuine knowledge and skill.

The good news is, once you’re aware of this pattern, it becomes easier to navigate. You learn to check yourself when you feel cocky early on. These days I quietly smile (and maybe cringe a little) when a brand-new agent boasts after a quick win, “This is easy! I’m killing it!” – I know Mount Stupid when I see it. I’ll gently remind them there’s a lot still to learn. Conversely, when I see a newer agent in meltdown mode, discouraged that nothing is going right, I reassure them that this dip is temporary and totally normal. “Every expert was once a beginner who felt the same way – keep going,” I say, because it’s true. We shared exactly that message in our meeting: don’t beat yourself up for feeling like crap in the valley; if you never felt low, you’d never know the joy of improvement and success. It’s okay to feel frustrated – just don’t quit in that phase. As long as you keep learning and asking for help, you will start climbing again. In the words of one team member, “If you don’t feel like shit, you can’t feel good… the pain means you get to feel good later.” It may be blunt, but it’s accurate.

One practical tip: when you do hit that low point, get it out of your head and onto paper. We encourage a “brain dump” exercise – write down all your worries, mistakes, and to-dos. This helps clear the mental fog and put things in perspective. In fact, writing out what happened and even talking it through with colleagues can be cathartic. Often, you’ll realize it’s not as catastrophic as you thought, and you’ll see what you did do right. In our office, we also make it a habit to celebrate small wins publicly – not just closings, but new listings, great client feedback, personal bests, etc. This provides a steady dose of encouragement to counter those moments when your brain is obsessing over “the one bad client” and forgetting about “the five good ones”. By actively remembering successes, you don’t let a temporary setback derail your long-term confidence.

The key takeaway about the learning curve is this: stay humble and keep going. If you’re riding high, temper it by asking “What am I missing? What could I do better?” If you’re in a hole, know that almost everyone who perseveres climbs out and reaches a higher plateau afterward. Self-awareness is your friend – be aware of where you likely stand on that curve. It helps to know that your feelings of extreme confidence or utter incompetence are often illusions. True mastery lies somewhere in between, earned through consistent effort and openness to learning. And remember, you’re not climbing that curve alone. Which brings us to another lesson: how we deal with the emotional roller coaster of this job, especially the stress and constant hustle that define so many real estate careers.

Addicted to the Hustle? Moderation Beats Burnout

Real estate can feel like a 24/7 pressure cooker – especially if you’re on high-volume lead programs or just hustling hard to grow your business. New leads can drop at any hour; clients expect quick responses; we bounce from showing to showing, deal to deal, often without clear boundaries between work and life. It’s no surprise that many agents (particularly high achievers) end up practically addicted to the hustle and stress. There’s a real psychological reason for this: when you’re under stress, your body doesn’t just pump out adrenaline and cortisol – it also releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with reward and pleasure. In other words, stress actually rewards your brain, in a twisted way. You feel the strain, yes, but you also get a buzz from being needed and busy. Ever notice how some people almost brag about being “crazy busy” or wear their long hours like a badge of honor? I’ve been guilty of this, and I’m not alone. Research on “stress addiction” notes that some individuals start to crave that frantic pace, turning stress into a kind of competition – if I’m not grinding constantly, I must be doing something wrong. We chase the next challenge, the next deal, like a gambler chasing the next jackpot.

There’s even a term for the “jackpot effect”: variable reinforcement. In real estate, you never know which lead will turn into a sale – it’s like a slot machine. That unpredictability can make it hard to stop. You think the next call might be the big one, so you hate to miss it. It creates a “next one, next one” mentality. One of my colleagues admitted, “I feel guilty taking a day off, because what if I miss that next deal?” This mindset can trap us in a perpetual sprint, always fearing that slowing down means losing out. And yes, being persistent and responsive is important – we earn business by being on top of things. But taken to extremes, it becomes counterproductive. As we discussed in the meeting, if you’re constantly chasing new leads at the expense of nurturing your existing pipeline, you might close fewer deals overall. In fact, we looked at some data: our team’s conversion rate was hovering around 5.4%, but if we had simply cultivated the leads we already had (instead of feverishly hunting for “the next one”), our projections showed we could be converting closer to 12%! Translation: you don’t actually have to work 24/7 to succeed – you have to work smarter and prioritize. The “always-on” approach can become an excuse to avoid the more systematic, strategic work of following up with past clients or long-term prospects, which often yields better results.

Besides, running yourself ragged has a clear downside: burnout and declining performance. There is a well-known principle in psychology called the Yerkes-Dodson law, which basically says performance increases with stress only up to a point – after that, more stress makes performance worse. Picture an inverted U-shaped curve: on the left, too little pressure = low performance (you’re bored or unmotivated). In the middle, a healthy level of challenge = peak performance (you’re focused and productive). But on the right, too much pressure = performance falls off a cliff. We’ve all felt this. Think of a day when you were juggling ten tasks, running on three hours of sleep – your ability to form judgments, remember details, and stay polite to people likely went kaput. Perhaps you started making mistakes or snapping at others. When an agent has five deals in escrow and is working till midnight every night, balls get dropped: calls get missed, paperwork gets sloppy, patience wears thin. It’s not sustainable. As one team member put it, “if you’re out of control sprinting at peak stress, you’ll feel great for a while… and then you crash”. The human body and mind can only handle so much prolonged cortisol and adrenaline before they start to break down.

So how do we break the cycle of stress addiction and the fear of stepping off the treadmill? The first step is awareness – recognizing that constantly feeling on-edge or guilty for resting is not healthy or necessary. Give yourself permission to take breaks. In our meeting, we half-jokingly “gave” everyone Tuesday mornings off if they needed it – the point being, it’s okay to schedule downtime just like you schedule work. In fact, you must schedule it, or it won’t happen. One of our senior brokers shared her own story: after grinding for years and even working through a family vacation to Hawaii (she literally had her husband go buy and set up dual monitors in the hotel room), she realized she’d missed the whole point of her hard work. The trip she’d earned meant nothing because she never unplugged to enjoy it. Her advice to us: treat yourself like a professional athlete. Athletes give 100% on game day, but they always recover afterward – ice baths, rest days, celebratory pizza nights. If you try to play every day without rest, you’ll end up injured or benched. In real estate, we don’t have a coach forcing us to the sidelines, so we have to coach ourselves. When you hit a milestone or finish a grueling week, celebrate and then recharge. Take that afternoon off guilt-free – you’ll come back sharper. Remember, rest is not a reward; it’s part of the work cycle. High performance requires intervals of rest.

It also helps to create systems so that you can step away without worry. As was suggested in the meeting, make a checklist or SOP for when you go on vacation – e.g. “here’s who will cover my leads, here’s how to forward my calls, here’s what to tell active clients” – so you know things will be handled in your absence. If you prepare, you won’t feel as anxious about your pipeline drying up whenever you take a break. And truly, a few days off can reset your perspective. Often, when you return, you find you haven’t missed much at all – or you tackle problems much better with a recharged brain.

Another strategy is to consciously fight the “slot machine” urge. We talked about how to do this: set specific boundaries for chasing new leads. For example, maybe you decide you’re not taking any new Zillow calls on Sunday, or you limit your lead blitz hours. Complement that by doubling down on your database – call past clients or warm prospects you’ve already paid for! As our coach reminded us, the next deal is probably hiding in your CRM, not necessarily in the next random inquiry. By focusing on what’s in front of you (and what’s more certain), you can be more productive and feel less like you’re spinning the roulette wheel every day. In short, it comes back to working smarter, not just harder.

To summarize this section: Moderation and balance are not lazy – they’re smart. Don’t glorify stress. Yes, a bit of pressure can motivate you to excel, but chronic high stress will hurt you and your business in the long run. If you suspect you’re getting hooked on that adrenaline rush, remember that even though it feels rewarding in the moment, it’s literally like an addiction where the crash is around the corner. Pay attention to signs of burnout (irritability, insomnia, lack of joy in work) and course-correct early. Take breaks, set boundaries, and trust that doing so will improve, not harm, your overall results. In real estate, consistency and longevity win the game – and you can’t be consistent if you’re constantly riding a boom-bust cycle of personal burnout. Perhaps most importantly, know that you’re not alone in this struggle. Lean on your team and support system – collectively we can ensure no one burns out or falls off the wagon.

Leaning on Values, Team, and Trust to Succeed Long-Term

One theme that kept coming up in our discussions was the power of our team and our company values in keeping us grounded. The real estate industry can be notoriously individualistic and even isolating – everyone is an independent agent doing their own thing. But that’s not how we operate, and for good reason. Team support and a strong culture act as a safety net for all these challenges we’ve talked about: overconfidence, stress, discouragement, and client issues. In our brokerage, we have a set of core values (you’ve seen them on the wall) that aren’t just lip service – they’re practical guides for navigating the crazy world of real estate.

“Work Together” is a big one for us. We hold collaborative meetings every week, like the one this story comes from, precisely because sharing our experiences makes the job less lonely. When you hear that others have struggled with a tough client or fallen into a slump and recovered, you realize you’re not alone and solutions exist. In fact, once we instituted regular team knowledge-sharing, our conversion rates improved – it turns out discussing challenges openly leads to collective problem-solving that benefits everyone. No one of us is as smart as all of us, as the saying goes. If a newer agent is riding high on Mount Stupid, the team gently keeps them grounded (“Hey, have you tried doing X? There’s more to this than you realize.”). If someone is in a Valley of Despair, the team pulls them up (“I’ve been there – hang in there. Try Y, it helped me when I was in your shoes.”). By leaning on each other, we level out the extreme highs and lows; we normalize the struggles and celebrate the wins together. The climb is much easier when you’ve got people hiking beside you instead of going solo.

“Be Curious and Be Knowledgeable” are values that directly combat complacency and the Dunning-Kruger effect. Curiosity reminds you to keep asking questions and learning, even when you think you’ve mastered something. It’s a built-in check against the ego that can come with early success. Knowledgeable, similarly, is about pursuing true expertise – substance over style. It pushes us to attend trainings (like the one this blog is based on), seek mentorship, and continually improve our craft. In practice, this means our culture encourages asking for help. No one is ridiculed for saying “I don’t know how this works” – instead, we applaud it, because that’s how you get off Mount Stupid faster and climb the slope of enlightenment. When Morgan encountered his ultra-analytical client, he tapped the collective wisdom: he naturally leaned into the client’s style (thus the facilitator approach). A curious mindset made that possible. Had he been too proud to step aside it, he might have lost the client or driven himself crazy.

“Be Reliable, Ethical, Professional” – this trio of values keeps us doing the right thing, especially under stress or temptation. For instance, when you’re desperate for a sale, it can be tempting to cut corners or cherry-pick leads (“I only want the easy deals”) to conserve energy. But we explicitly forbid cherry-picking because it’s unfair and short-sighted; every lead deserves attention. By committing to professionalism, we hold ourselves to a standard: even on our worst day, we strive not to snap at a client or fudge a disclosure, because that goes against who we say we are. This actually protects us in the long run – it builds trust with clients and saves us from ethical pitfalls that could end our career. In the context of clients like the distrustful one, being ethical and transparent at every step is how you prove the skeptics wrong. They may assume we’re just in it for a commission; we show them we’re not by never betraying their interests. Eventually, even tough clients often come around and express gratitude, like Morgan’s did at closing. Why? Because when they finally realize you genuinely acted in their best interest, it blows their mind. Earning trust from a skeptic is extremely rewarding – they’ll often refer friends once they’re converted. But you only get there by consistently doing the right thing, even when they doubt you.

“Committed and Willing to Accommodate” is another value we discussed. We expect our agents to be all-in – show up, put in the work, go the extra mile. But we also foster a culture where it’s okay to ask for help or a break. Being “willing to accommodate” applies to teammates covering each other. Need someone to handle a showing so you can attend your kid’s recital or simply recharge? We have your back. This ties directly to preventing burnout. No one should feel like they have to sacrifice their sanity or family for this job – not in our team. As an example, if you’ve been grinding non-stop and have a chance to take a long weekend, take it and a colleague will gladly cover your new inquiries. We know that by accommodating each other’s lives, we keep everyone more balanced and effective. It’s the embodiment of “work together” – in practice, not just words.

Finally, our training is designed with these psychological pitfalls in mind. I already mentioned the morning brain dump technique – that came straight from our internal playbook. We also emphasize celebrating incremental progress (e.g. ringing a bell for each appointment set, not just closed deals) to provide frequent positive reinforcement. This creates a more constant sense of reward, so that we’re not solely dependent on the sporadic high of closings. It’s a way to counter the “slot-machine” effect by injecting some guaranteed wins in the mix. Additionally, whenever someone faces a tough situation, we encourage them to revisit our core values for guidance – more often than not, the values light the way to a solution (e.g. “Am I being thorough? Transparent? Should I seek teamwork on this problem?”). As cheesy as it may sound, our values are tools. They were literally crafted to help us navigate things like integrity dilemmas, overwork, and ego traps.

Conclusion: Self-Awareness and Support – The Ultimate Tools

In the world of real estate, technical knowledge and sales skills are important, but the mindset and psychological game are truly what make or break a long-term career. As we’ve explored, you will have moments when you think you’re on top (believing you’re a superstar after a small victory) and moments when you feel utterly defeated. You will encounter clients who test your patience and demand a level of trust you have to earn over time. You will feel the seductive pull of endless hustle culture, and you’ll need to decide how far to lean into it. Navigating all this requires a big dose of self-awareness and a strong support system.

Be aware of the Dunning-Kruger curve playing out in your growth – it will keep you humble when you need humility and give you hope when you’re in a low spell (because you’ll recall that it’s a natural valley on the way to improvement). Cultivate trust deliberately with your clients – especially the skeptical ones – by demonstrating transparency and putting their needs first. When in doubt, remember that our role is to facilitate their goals, not force our agenda. As trust is the foundation of our profession, you’ll find that once a cautious client sees you truly acting in their best interest, you’ve made a client for life. And if they never come around, well, you still did right by them, and there’s peace in that.

Keep an eye on your stress and balance. The grind is part of the game, but it’s not the whole game. Success in real estate is a marathon, not a sprint – and even marathons have water stations and rest phases. Use your vacation days; the world will not end, and your business will likely be better for it. Instead of judging yourself by how busy you are, judge yourself by your results and your well-being. If you find yourself saying, “I can’t ever unplug,” ask whether that’s truly necessity or a bit of addiction talking. Remember that a sustainably productive agent outperforms a constantly burnt-out one. Your clients get the best you when you’re not frazzled and exhausted.

Most importantly, lean on your team and the collective wisdom around you. No one has all the answers, and the beauty of a supportive culture is that you don’t have to figure everything out alone. As we often remind each other, the climb is easier when we hike it as a team. In our meeting, after covering all these topics – from the humbling peak of Mount Stupid to the depths of the valley, from stress highs and lows to memory biases – the big takeaway was that we can master these challenges by staying self-aware and supporting one another. Real estate doesn’t have to be a lonely, cutthroat grind. It can be a collaborative journey of continuous learning.

So the next time you’re riding high on success, enjoy it but stay humble. The next time you’re in a slump, reach out and remember it’s a temporary chapter. The next time a client comes in distrustful, see it as an opportunity to prove what kind of professional you are. And the next time you feel the urge to work till 2am, consider getting some sleep and tackling it with a fresh mind at 7am instead. Step by step, with the right mindset and support, you’ll keep moving up that slope of enlightenment – steadily, without burning out or losing integrity along the way. Here’s to climbing together and turning what we learn into shared success.